10 Random Jokes

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office.

As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated

• If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
• The saying "it's so cold out there
  it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off... Thus the saying.
• The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. 
• Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.
• Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."
• Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
• Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
• Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
• It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
• Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
• Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight.
• Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.
• If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
• The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
• 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie. (Error here, Sleeping Beauty also has both parents surviving in the film.)
• 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
• Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.
• Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
• To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.
• Reindeer like to eat bananas.
• A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
• Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army.
• A group of rhinos is called a crash.
• A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
• A group of whales is called a pod.
• A group of geese is called a gaggle.
• A group of ravens is called a murder.
• A group of officers is called a mess.
• A group of larks is called an exaltation.
• A group of owls is called a parliament.
• Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for Muster Mark!"
• The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bedframe.
• A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep.
• "Three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.
• In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
• Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
• Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. (I don't believe it, let's do some research)
• The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."