You hate your job. You want freedom - the freedom that comes from lying on your couch, watching "Jerry Springer" and collecting unemployment checks.

And that means just one thing:

You gotta get fired!

According to federal and state guidelines, getting canned for misconduct almost always makes you ineligible for unemployment insurance. The trick is to make your boss think it was his idea. So how do you do that? IT'S EASY! Maxim magazine has come up with some ideas:

1. Leave your zipper open during an important meeting. When the boss points this out, say, "Yeah, I know. I really prefer it this way."

2. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

3. Jump up on a table in the break room or cafeteria, holding a sign that says "Union Now!"

4. When shaking hands an important client, pretend your hand has "seized up" and you can't let go.

5. Make race-car sounds every time you move your computer mouse.

6. While talking to your boss, pick your nose and eat the booger.

7. Yell, "Yahtzee!" every now and then.

8. Every few hours, go into your boss's office and ask him or her how your rear end "looks fat in these pants?"

9. At lunch time, load up a small hibachi with charcoal, put it on your desk, then go around asking for lighter fluid.

10. Carry your computer monitor around the office, asking everyone, "Wanna trade?"

11. Every time your boss says something, reply, "I like your style!" and "shoot" him or her with your fingers.