A Wife - Dave's Jokes

She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure.
She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
She will hate charge cards.
Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, Dear?"
She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done.
She will love you because you're so sexy.

She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
She was once a model for a totem pole.
Where there's smoke, there she is-- cooking.
She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.
She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do, and everything you say.
No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.
If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.