Decades too late!!

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first
tearing it apart to remove the sports section

Buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the
joy of seeing you

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and
never says its not quite as good as his mother made it

Buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as
long and wherever you want

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care
about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm
your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if
you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin , young or old, who acts as if every
word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you
unconditionally, perpetually

Buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when
you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over
the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home
to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to
ensure his happiness...

Then.................

Buy a cat...