Here are some actual complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintainance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."

Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."

Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."

Solution: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem: "Something very loose in cockpit."

Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."

Solution: "Evidence removed"

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud"

Solution: "Volume set to a more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windsheild"

Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."

Solution: "Cannot produce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."

Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."

Solution: "That is what it is there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."

Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."