Do you want to know if you suffer from "Alertness
Deficit Disorder" (ADD)? Then just take this simple
quiz. These questions will help us to determine
whether or not you suffer from this terrible
affliction the only known cure for which is caffeine.
ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans,
hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans every
year. If that doesn't scare you, let's just say that
you are more susceptible than anyone else. YES, YOU! If
you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to
Starbucks could be FATAL. The following series of
Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your
Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of the number of Yes
and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end.

Remember:
Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter?
Either way, read on.

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's
   easier?
3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own
   coffee?
4. Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee
   than go to sleep
5. a) Have you ever drunk cold coffee?
   
   b) Right out of the pot?
6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee
   and/or coffee related products?
7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
8. Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?
9. Do you need coffee:
   
   a) ...to get up in the morning?
   
   b) ...to get out of bed?
   
   c) ...to be injected intravenously to stimulate
   blood-flow?
10. Do you own a "Coffee Helmet"? (For the culturally
    ignorant, a coffee-helmet is a hat with coffee-cups
    attached to it and a straw coming out of each cup
    leading to the mouth, used for hands-free drinking.)
11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples
    call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)?
12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the
    Richter scale as well as by its frequency?
13. Have you ever sold personal or other people's
    possessions just to get your fix for the day?
14. Does the phrase "swiss water decaffienated" strike
    terror into your heart?
15. a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room
    of your house?
    
    b) ...in more than five?
    
    c) ...in your bathroom?
16. a) Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you
    free coffee cards anymore?
    
    b) ...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
    
    c) ...and it's bad for the environment?
17. Do you grind your own coffee?
18. Do you grow your own coffee?
19. Have you ever been fired from a job because you're
    "drinking their profits"?
20. a) Do you know Juan Valdez?
    
    b) ...and his donkey?
    
    c) ...intimately?
21. Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear
    dripping water?
22. a) Is sleep a hobby of yours?
    
    b) ...that you don't like?
    
    c) ...because it's too frustrating?