The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city
newspapers.

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
  never go anywhere again.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
  smacks included.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
  efficient beating.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
  and salary.
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
  drawers.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
  take home, too.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
• Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
• Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family
  appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
• Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard- to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume
  general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
  of family.
• And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
  unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
  $1.00.