- TRAFFIC LIGHT: Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
- DIVORCE: Post-graduate in School of Love.
- PIONEER: Early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
- PEOPLE: Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
- SWIMMING POOL: A mob of people with water in it.
- SELF-CONTROL: The ability to eat only one peanut.
- SALESMAN: Man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
- CANNIBAL: Person who likes to see other people stewed.
- EGOCENTRIC: A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
- FOREIGN FILM: Any movie shown in Texas theatre that isn't a western.
- OPTIMIST: Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
- MAGAZINE: Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
- COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
- EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
- OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
- BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
- BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
- TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
