The IRS decides to audit Ed, and summons him to
the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows up
with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain
by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure
the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ed. "How
about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go
ahead."

Ed says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite
my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a
bet."

Ed removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ed says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ed isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ed removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and
lost three grand, with Ed's attorney as a witness.

He
starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ed asks. "I'll bet you
six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your
desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage
that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ed stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over
the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ed's attorney
moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when
Ed told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet
me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here
and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd
be happy about it."