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The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day - I divorced her."
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
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The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
