GO UGLY EARLY

An excellent and very simple technique tried and tested on many
occasions in my youth.

The technique, for all men who are desperate for a shag,
is
to
chat up the ugly birds early in the evening when you are sober and
stick
with them.

Unlike the more usual technique, of chatting up the pretty
ones when you are sober and only moving on to the ugly ones later in the
evening, GUE has a close to 100% success rate.

The technique has 10 key advantages:

1. (Out of necessity) you get pissed quicker.
2. They are immensely flattered as they have never been chatted up
   before
   by a sober person with teeth, hair and/or money and without spots and
   a
   weight problem - (if you suffer from some or all of these afflictions,
   they
   won't mind too much anyway).
3. By the time you get incoherently pissed they will laugh and not
   sneer
   at
   your jokes - they will also ensure you get them to a bed safely as
   they
   are even more desperate than you are.
4. By the end of the evening, they look just as gorgeous when you go
   home
   with them as they would if you had tried and failed to pull them later
   in
   the evening after chatting up prettier women first.
5. You have time to get them pissed enough for guaranteed action. Out
   of a
   combination of gratitude and compensation for their appearance they
   will
   do
   things in bed (or the bar /night-club/street/taxi) that many pretty
   women
   would never dream of
   (except with an A-list Hollywood star or billionaire).
6. No solution, apart from 8 pints at lunchtime, has been found for the
   coyote effect in the morning but a shag's a shag, and you will never
   know
   what fun can be had with different body shapes unless you try.
7. In the morning always ask for their phone numbers. Because no-one
   has
   ever asked for them before they will eagerly give you their home, work
   and
   mobile phone numbers. If you promise to call them they will be so
   overexcited they will usually forget to ask you for your numbers and
   you
   thus avoid having to ever contact or see them again.
8. With the passage of time, you will always remember them as much
   better
   looking than they were.
9. Practice makes perfect and after a stream of successes with the ugly
   birds your confidence and pulling skills will have increased
   sufficiently
   to move on to their better looking cousins. You will have more success
   than
   pre-GUE as all men get the same proud "just shagged look" from
   shagging
   ugly birds as pretty ones. Pretty women will only be able to tell that
   you
   are in demand and throw themselves at your feet.
10. All ugly girls have pretty friends who despise them and love
    stealing
    their boyfriends.