1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your
   day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When
   I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry!
3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the
   mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of
   Depends.
4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be
   a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint
   Chiefs of Staff.
5. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause
   when I had mine I got real snippy.
6. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
   But don't fret about it, she moved in with me.
7. You totaled your car and can't remember why.
   could it have been, that whole case of Bud Dry?