THE TOP 13 REASONS YOU WON'T WIN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST

13. The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small,
round ass, not the other way around.

12. 'Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta
could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.

11. Your "Naked Linda Tripp" costume is actually more nauseating
than scary.

10. Your "Yanni" costume got you beat up on the way to the party
-- four times.

9. Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your
"Diggler" is stuck in the car door.

8. Your beret falls off every time you kneel.

7. Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check.
Can of Homer Simpson "Duff Beer"? Check.
Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!

6. No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge
Schott.

5. This year's guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never
even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.

4. Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as
Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.

3. The judges wrongly interpreted your "Liposuction By-product"
costume as a "Bowl of Tapioca Pudding" costume.

2. The only song you knew to go with the costume was "Mammy," and
the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.

1. *Nobody* likes a farting clown.