Ever look at the Help wanted ads and wonder what they really mean
Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo

• "Competitive Salary"
  We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.
• "Join our fast-paced company"
  We have no time to train you.
• "Casual work atmosphere"
  We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up;
  a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
• "Some overtime required"
  Some every night and some every weekend.
• "Duties will vary"
  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• "Must have an eye for detail"
  We have no quality assurance.
• "Career-minded"
  Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
• "Apply in person"
  If you're old, fat or ugly
  you'll be told that the position has been filled.
• "Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
  You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.
• "Problem-solving skills a must"
  You're walking into perpetual chaos.
• "Requires team leadership skills"
  You'll have the responsibilities of a manager,
  without the pay or respect.
• "Good communication skills"
  Management communicates, you listen,
  figure out what they want and do it.
• The other side of the coin ....
  Phrases for you to use in an interview:
• "I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
  I've used Microsoft Office.
• "I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"
  I pilfer office supplies.
• "I take pride in my work"
  I blame others for any mistakes.
• "I'm personable"
  I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
• "I am very adaptable"
  I've changed jobs a lot.
• "I am on the go"
  I'm never at my desk.
• "I'm highly motivated to succeed"
  The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.