The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that
builds up during the holidays.

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz.

skim milk
Lunch:
4 oz.

lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1
jar hot fudge sauce
Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
   calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the
   candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do
   not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot
   chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look
   thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because
   they are part of the entertainment package and not part of
   one's personal fuel.
   Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and
   Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
   calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are
   in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of
   calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream;
   mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any
    other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This due to
    gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories
    since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and
    will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like
    to cling!)
    REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS