Always remember these five important rules when asking a man to do something:

  1. Make sure the man is conscious.

    1. Then give him a Blow Job
  2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
  3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three, or four hours, max.

    1. Then ... give him a Blow Job
  4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. A blow job will usually do just fine. Or, offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.
  5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes. Or, threaten to not give him a blow job.
  6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt".
  7. When all else fails ... Blow Job.

OK, seven rules.