1. The 'Sermon on the Mount' would be a musical
2. Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day
3. Priests would get married... wait a minute... never mind
4. The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bruce
5. Mary's hair would be FLAWLESS
6. The Temple would not have been cleansed of money changers, just redecorated
7. The water at the Wedding Feast of Cana would have turned into dry martinis with just a splash of Curacao for color
8. The Triumphal Entry just screams for a drag number
9. Replace the 'Beatitudes' with "Fabulous are they..."
10. The Last Supper would have been a brunch