Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three; the rest are true stories.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.
Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . .

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three; one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

Q: Why do we have lawyers?
A: To make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners or an anvil.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing; there are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: Why did God create snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.