- lf a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could
only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? - Lawyer: A member of that profession dedicated to protecting you
from other members of that profession. - Judge: Have you anything to offer this court before I pass
sentence? Defendant: Nope. My lawyer took every last penny. - In response to Dan Quayle's attacks, the American Bar Association
issued a statement claiming the problem isn't too many lawyers,
it's that there just aren't enough ambulances. - Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
- What's the difference between a lawyer and a leach?
A leach drops
off once it's victim is dead. - What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think He is a lawyer. - Why are all the toxic dumps in New Jersey and all the lawyers
in California?
New Jersey got the first pick. - What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer
on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog. - How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
He stopped breathing. - Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground instead of the
usual six feet?
Because deep down, they are really good people. - What does a criminal lawyer have in common with Pee-Wee Herman?
They can both get themselves off. - What does a lawyer use for contraception?
His personality. - When do you really need a lawyer?
When your talking to a lawyer. - What did the homocidal maniac say to the lawyer?
"How could you?"
