Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does it
take to perform a particular menial activity?
A: A finite positive integer F. One to perform the activity,
and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their ethnic
group.
If F == 1 then the joke has unusually small hope of being funny.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It
takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the
switch.
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
It depends whether the switch is on or off.
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb
changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion,
but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It
will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many bureaucrats/civil servants does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is
being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Three, but they're really only one.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the
old one to go back on.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.
It turned itself in.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A: None.
The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A:
None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw
itself in.
Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to
replace a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality
in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin
cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw in the bulb, one to comment on how the bulb
violates the socket, one to secretly wish she was the bulb, and one
to secretly wish she was the socket.
A: That's not funny!
Q': How many 'Cliffie girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A':
It's "Radcliffe Women" and it's not funny!
Q: How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down
off the keg.
A: Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the
room spins.
A: None. Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.
Q: How many Field Service Engineers does it take to replace a dead
light bulb?
A: Who can tell. Field Service Engineers are always in the dark.
A: One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
Q: How long will it take?
A' That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've
brought with them.
Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
A: They replace your fuse box.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to
get it done.
Q: How many hackers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
But, hackers don't turn on the lights.
Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh
wow, is it like dark, man?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A: Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone
to really screw a bulb...
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
A: None. Mac users don't screw, they just point and click at the
genital icon.
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A: In an earlier article, zeus!bobr writes:
In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can
change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more
simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed
the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n
mathematicians can change a light bulb.
Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and
seventeen in on the guest list. See also "How many junkies..."
Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what
to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try
and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned
out).
Q: How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A:
Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it
now.