A crab on a big hairy twat

Thought that he'd give it a shot

Said he'd swing on a long one

But swung on the wrong one

And wound up just stuck in her blot

While driving along the highway

A horny young man he did play

He was masturbating

The car was vibrating

And the windscreen got covered in spray.

An orgasm it can be fine

A multiple one is devine

But if you should moan

And it's not your own

You faked it you bullshitting swine.

Said Mary, "I do beg your pardon,

But I once had a tree in my garden,

With a trunk long and thick,

But I have to admit,

'Twas nothing, compared to John's hard'un..."

A girl who hiked o'er the land

Once showed me a trick with her hand.

She zipped down her pants,

Adjusted her stance,

And peed out my name in the sand!