There was a bus driver named Peter,

Who could not have looked any neater.

But his mustache looked funny,  

When he combed it with honey,

Thus making his kisses much sweeter.

There was an old lady from Spain

Who cocked her leg over a train

The train gave a shunt

And blew off her cunt

The poor old lady from Spain

There once was a man called Kev

He never fucked in bed

A chick would come over

He would bend her over

And ask for a bit of head

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

With a little keg of brandy.

Jack got stewed,

Jill got screwed,

Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.

I'll bury my face in your bush

And grab me two handfuls of tush

I'll lick and I'll linger

Maybe insert a finger

Till you get an incredible rush