Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

• Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs
  replacement."
  Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
• Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
  Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
• Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
  Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
• Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
  Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
• Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main
  landing gear."
  Solution: "Evidence removed."
• Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
  Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
• Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
  Solution: "Live bugs on order."
• Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a
  200 fpm descent."
  Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
• Problem: "IFF inoperative."
  Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
• Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to
  stick."
  Solution: "That's what they're there for."
• Problem: "Number three engine missing."
  Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief
  search."