Gentlemen Please Take the Following TEST

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
   1. Lovemaking
   2. screwing
   3. the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
   you've both shared:
   1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   2. your blood-test results
   3. five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
   1. your partner climaxes first
   2. you both climax simultaneously
   3. you don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   1. healthy, creative love-play
   2. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
   3. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had
   sex with is:
   1. the best part of the experience
   2. the second best part of the experience
   3. $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the
   last month. You tell her that it is:
   1. No concern of yours
   2. not a problem, she can join your gym
   3. a conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
   1. a myth
   2. an oxymoron
   3. a moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
   1. appetizer is to entree
   2. primer is to paint
   3. a line is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
   the end of a relationship?
   1. "I hope we can still be friends."
   2. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
   3. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    1. probably needs more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
    2. is uptight and a waste of time
    3. shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than seven times,
check into therapy, you're still a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"