• My aunt learned how to live with her husband's sleepwalking.
  She gave him a vacuum.
• A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed.
  The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible!"
  To which the husband replied, "No.  I'm next to impossible."
• The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. 
  The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave.
• Marriage is made in heaven...
  so are lightning and thunder.
• A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
• A man was explaining to his marriage counselor how he really loved his wife, Edith, but he just couldn't drop his mistress, Kate.
  The marriage counselor shook his head and said, "You can't have your Kate and Edith too."
• Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog.
  Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden.
• My husband wants to go camping so he can hear the call of the wild.
  I told him that he could hear it for free if he'd just stay home sometimes with the kids.