Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

A. She wants to be the first lady.

Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?

A. When Hillary is out of town.

Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?

A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q. How come Mike Tyson's eye's water during sex?

A. Mace

Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?

A. She doesn't, she eats out!

Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?

A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? 

A. They both live off dead Beatles.

Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?

A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!

Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?

A. George Michael's latest release.

Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?

A. Hugh Grant.

Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?

A. A microwave stops when you open the door.

Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?

A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.

Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?

A. She screamed her hands off.

Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A. So she can moan with the other.

Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

A. Her dog was blind too.

Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?

A. Washed her hands with soap.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?

A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.

Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?

A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!

Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?

A. Boy's underwear half off.

Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"

A. 80% said not again.

Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?

A. The pool table in the oval office.

Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?

A. They both throw a ho down. 

Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?

A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

Q. Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?

A. Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....

Q. Why did the tunnel in Paris get so red?

A. Because they got Di all over it.

Q. What does Princess Di turn into at midnight?

A. The wall.

Q. How did they know that the driver had dandruff?

A. They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

Q. What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?

A. He's got a better driver.

Q. What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?

A. Don't you think were taking this thing a little too fast?

Q. What do you give the princess who has everything?

A. A seatbelt and an airbag.

Q. What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates?

A. Wipe that "merc" off your face.

Q. Why did Henry Paul swerve into the pillar?

A. He wanted to see if a Mercedes Bends....

Q. Bill Gates was disappointed to hear how Diana died...

A. Her Crashes affect more people than his.

Q. What's the difference between Diana an Casper the ghost?

A. Casper can go through walls, Diana can't

Q. Why is Di like a mobile phone?

A. They both die in tunnels!!

Q. What do Lady Di and the Beatles have in common?

A. They both made quite an impact over in Europe.

Q. Why did Diana's bodyguard wear a seat belt?

A. Because he was never one to buckle under pressure.

Q. What was Diana's final hairstyle?

A. A French twist.

Q. Why did some people call Diana's fatal car crash a miracle?

A. Because a full-sized Mercedes Sedan went into the tunnel...and a sub-compact convertible came out.

Q. Why did the French Police confiscate Paparazzi pictures taken at the crash scene?

A. They were too cheap to buy a copy of the Enquirer for themselves.

Q. What's the difference between Hugh Grant and Princess Di?

A. None - They both get screwed in cars.

Q. What's the difference between Bill and Monica.

A. One can't come clean and the other one can't clean cum.

Q. What's Monica's favorite instrument?

A. She's good at the piano, but she sucks at the organ!

Q. How will everyone remember Bill Clinton in history?

A. The President after Bush

Q. What's the new game there playing in the White House?

A. Swallow the Leader

Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?

A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"

Q. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

A. By putting a plunger in the toilet.

Q. What is the name of Helen Keller's dog?

A. Nyah, nyu, yuh, yah.

Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?

A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?

A. "Not according to Dad."

Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?

A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.

Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?

A. Hillary doesn't get caught.

Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?

A. The Spice Girls!

Q. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?

A. His face.

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?

A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?

A. They were dating the same girl in high school.

Q. If Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?

A. The United States of America!

Q. What does Hillary do after she shaves her pussy every morning?

A. Sends him to work!

Q. Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?

A. Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.

Q. Why doesn't Bill like old houses?

A. He's afraid of the draft.

Q. When will there be a woman in the White House?

A. When Hillary leaves town.

Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?

A. The runway.

Q. What was JFK Jr. drinking at the time of the crash?

A. Ocean Spray.

Q. How did JFK Jr. learn how to fly?

A. He took a crash course.

Q. What will it take to bring the Kennedy family back together?

A. One more mishap!

Q. Hear about Kennedy Airlines?

A. Their motto is "Your luggage will arrive before you do!"

Q. What has four legs and no ears?

A. Mike Tyson's dog.

Q. Why does Hillary always get on top?

A. Bill can only screw up.

Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?

A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.

Q. Why didn't JFK Jr. and his wife have a shower before getting on the plane?

A. They figured they would wash up on shore!