Better known as the don't try this at home department
(go to the neighbors house and use their kids)

• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan,
  the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
  wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
• It is strong enough, however,
  to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh,"
  it's already too late
• Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
• If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes
  it does not leak - it explodes
• A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill
  a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
• No matter how much Jello you put in a bath tub
  you still can't walk on water
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
• It will however make cats dizzy
• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy