PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY DEAD AT 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast
infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral
ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs.
Butterworth, The California Raisins,Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Famous Amos,
Martha White, and the Hostess Twinkies. Several Ho-Ho's were said to be in
attendance, but we are unsure what gave rise to those rumours. The
graveside
was piled with flours as long-time friend Aunt Jemina delivered the eulogy,
describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". Fresh
rose quickly in show business, but
his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very
smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even
as
a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Pop N. Fresh is survived
by his second wife, Pop Tart. They have two children and one in the oven.