My husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him I'll never know.

For all those miserable years I said
This husband has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.

Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire's a crime.

But I failed at each plot 'til I suddenly thought

Of a way that would set me free!

I got rid of him for good and ya know what?

They couldn't do a thing to me!

I TOOK HIM BACK TO WAL-MART !

They'll take anything back you know!

They said they couldn't remember selling him,

But they must have if I told them so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said, "Ya'll come back ya hear?"

They were all so nice, polite and insistent,
I took his mother back the next year!

They'll take anything back at Wal-Mart,
Though it's broken, rotten, or sweet.

And know what else? This time of year,
You don't even need a receipt!