1. Just because you HAVE one doesn't mean you have to BE one.
2. I haven't lost my mind. I've temporarily misplaced it.
3. Save your breath.....you'll need it to blow up your date.
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.....
6. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
7. Jesus loves you everyone else thinks you're an asshole
8. If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.
9. Some people are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them.
10. I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
11. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
12. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
13. Your I.Q. test came back - it's negative.
14. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it!
15. REVENGE - The reason why I get up each day.
16. I did not escape....they gave me a day pass.
17. Have a nice day, you superficial, butt-kissing asshole!

and my favorite.....

18. Mission accomplished ..you've all finally driven me insane!