FOR WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the
   mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of
   coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
   maintained vehicle.

Money Spent: $20.00 for oil change, $1.00 for
coffee
Total: $21.00

FOR MEN:

1. Go to
   O'Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter,
   hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is
   full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly's to recycle, dump in hole in back
   yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes
   looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In
   frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. lace drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent
   wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get
    hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up mess.
13. Have another beer while
    watching oil drain.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil
    filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up;
    finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag
    pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil
    spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to
    store; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of
    oil to gasket surface.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from Step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain
    pan.
26. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.
27. Drink beer.
28. Uncover hole and sift for
    drain plug.
29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
    floor.
30. Drink beer.
31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang
    knuckles on frame.
32. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step
    31.
33. Begin cussing fit.
34. Throw wrench.
35. Cuss for additional 10
    minutes because wrench hit Miss December (2002).
36. Beer.
37. Clean up
    hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush one of the jack
    stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty little to fresh oil spilled
    during step 23.
45. Beer.
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over;
    arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make
    bail; Get car from impound yard.

Money Spent: $50 Parts, $25 beer, $50
replacement set of jack stands (hey the colors have to match!!!), $1,000 Bail,
$200 Impound and towing fee.

TOTAL: $1325.00