You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse
goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot
more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five
women to every man. Isn't that the darnedest time for a
guy to get those odds?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow
down by his doctor instead of by the police.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that
caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know 'till the 4th of July.