1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
   impressive new book.It's called "Ministers Do More
   Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and
   be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...
   the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash
   and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door
   is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat
   folded up, the drinkspilled and that ice, well, it really
   chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
   Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash
   out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole
   house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending
   machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic
    might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me
    all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a
    prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting
    a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog.I went
    to see how he was and found him
    writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies
    could be treated, and he
    didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What
    Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for
    enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the
    splinters never point the wrong way.