- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- My doctor told me to start my exercise program very gradually. Today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants.
- You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
- At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
- A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
- A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
- Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
- Your child has started growing up when she stops asking you where she came from and starts refusing to tell you where she's going.
