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Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
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I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.
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An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people who have no children at home.
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I am completely convinced that there is no other life in the universe. If there were other beings they would appear on my teenage daughter's phone bill.
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Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.
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After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.
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Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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Remember: If you throw dirt, you're losing ground.
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An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
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Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers.
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People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
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People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
