- Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
- Everybody repeat after me..."We are all individuals."
- Chastity is curable, if detected early.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- A good pun is its own reword.
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
