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It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
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Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age.
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I think animal testing is cruel; they get all stressed out and just end up giving the wrong answers.
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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
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Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
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Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
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Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
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What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
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Why is breast milk good for health? Because it's great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.
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Why was two-piece bikini invented? To separate meat section from the dairy section.
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A man is dying of cancer. His son asked "Dad, why do you keep telling people you are dying of AIDS?" Dad replies : So when I'm dead no one is going to fuck your mom.
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What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period? Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it does not come, you're fucked.
