Some personal ads, probably seen in Florida newspapers:

 

FOXY LADY:

Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

 

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

 

SERENITY NOW:

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

 

WINNING SMILE:

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks,corn on the cob and caramel candy.

 

BEATLES OR STONES?

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

 

MEMORIES:

I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

 

MINT CONDITION:

Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

 

Making People Piss Their Pants Since 1999!