• DOS Beer:
  Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read
  the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
  an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
  divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
  separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
  to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
• Mac Beer:
  At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
  Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
  When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list
  is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are
  told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to
  drag your empties to the trashcan.
• Windows 3.1 Beer:
  The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
  Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
  allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you
  can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
  drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no
  reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
• OS/2 Beer:
  Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS beers
  simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
  too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when
  you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
  drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
  Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
• Windows 95 Beer:
  The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows
  3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans
  only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
  drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and
  say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small
  print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even
  though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
• Windows NT Beer:
  Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
  causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
  can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
  change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95
  beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
  suggested only for use in bars.
• Unix Beer:
  Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64
  oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
  claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
  the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have
  your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either
  need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking
  Unix Beer for several years.
• AmigaDOS Beer:
  The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been
  picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
  import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
  manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
  fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
  16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
  originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design
  hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of
  this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
• VMS Beer:
  Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
  sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain
  extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
  development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list
  of ingredients, you're told that it's proprietary and referred to an
  unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that
  this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a
  tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.