Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on
the ass and say, "You're next!"

Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. What do women and prawns have in common?
A. There heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great

Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.

Q. What's the definition of "trust"?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q: How do you tell that you have a high sperm count
A: Your date has to chew before she swallows

Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.

Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
A: They both capture the moment.

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.

Q: What's 100 yds long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well endowed.

Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in
the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden a Derby winner,
since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.

Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.