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"In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity." -- Konrad Adenauer
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"A lot of things go on when you're a kid that you don't figure out until you're an adult. Like, I think my kindergarten teacher had a drinking problem, because nap time was every day from nine o'clock to two-thirty." -- Janine DiTullio
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Tennessee passed a road-kill law that makes it legal for motorists to eat anything they run over.
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"Today in Nashville, Denny's introduced its new Pontiac Grand Am Breakfast." -- Jay Leno
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"I had the worst study habits in the history of college, until I found out what I was doing wrong -- highlighting with black magic marker." -- Jeff Altman
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"It's rough being a man. See, men have to have money, have to try to look good, have to have the right job, the right prestige; women can be working in McDonald's--we'll still try to get your phone number." -- Sinbad
