1. So your daughter's a hooker,
   and it spoiled your day...
   Look at the bright side,
   she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping...
   I thought it was flat...
   when I looked at the tire...
   I noticed your cat...Sorry!
3. You had your bladder removed
   and you're on the mends...
   here's a bouquet of flowers
   and a box of Depends.
4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh,
   when they find out you're one
   of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
5. Happy Vasectomy!
   Hope you feel zippy!
   'Cause when I had mine
   I got real snippy.
6. Heard your wife left you..
   How upset you must be...
   But don't fret about it...
   She moved in with me.
7. Your computer is dead...
   it was once so alive.
   Don't you regret installing
   Windows 95?
8. So you're taking Viagra
   so you can please me.
   What you need is an implant
   Since your inch size is three!