Back when I was in high school, we had a real disciplinarian for a
principal.

His name, as I recall, was Mark Eysen, and you could tell
when he was walking past your classroom by the clacking of his boots
on the carpet.

Definitely a rugged character.

Old Mark stood six foot four if he stood an inch, and he walked so
ram-rod stiff you'd think he was like a Vegas bar- poker in the rear.

He never said hello to you, and if you asked him anything, he'd answer
in this low dead monotone, that is, if your question wasn't
irrelevant.

The only flaw in his delivery was his tendency to go,
'uh...' at least once a sentence.

Mark was a big fan of computers, and at one point tried to get the
school board to plunk down the money on a computer system capable of
analyzing the student body and predicting what would happen under
given circumstances.

When we asked him how his fight with the administration was going, he
would say, 'The resistance, uh, is irrelevant. You will all be, uh,
simulated.'

Now that you've heard all of that, I wonder if any among you can
resolve my . . . Principal Eysen-Borg uncertainty." (By Kris Overstreet)