The following is a list with actual notes from
parents (including spelling) to school offices:

• My son is under a doctor's care and should not
  take P.E. today. Please execute him.
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was
  sick and I had her shot.
• Dear school: Please ekscuse John being
  ansent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,and 33.
• Please excuse Tommy for being absent
  yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• Sally win't be in school a week from Friday.
  We have to attend her funeral.
• My daughter was absent yesterday because
  she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
• Please excuse Mary for being absent
  yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.