All you programmers out there should like this one, Apologies to
non-techies/COBOL programmers!

Instructions for "Shooting Yourself in the Foot" in Various Computer
Languages and Systems/Interfaces

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since
you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes; then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling routine.

Modula-2: After realizing that you can't acutally accomplish anything in
this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds...

COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.Foot, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual BASIC: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun
doing it that you won't care.

FORTH: Foot yourself in the shoot.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to
do it in fewer characters.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you.
Answer the result.

UNIX: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o %rm *.o rm: .O: No such file or
directory % ls %

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in foot, your users can, too.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of
the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Apple System 7: Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection
for guns, target areas, plus ballon help with medical remedies, and assorted
sound effects. Click shoot button and small bomb appears with note: "Error
of type 1 has occurred."

DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file
with the foot for the life of you.

Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States
Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing
squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the
emergency room.

APL (alternate): You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but
you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.

Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of
contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops
around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

DBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the
time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.

DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun
was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up.

sh, csh, etc.: You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five
hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and
switch to C.

Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation,
and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.

PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the offline
bullets. The DataProcessing & Payroll Department doubles its size, triples
its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your
foot.

Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing
to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in your face.

SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a
bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet
into yet another foot (a left foot).

scheme: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself
in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other appendages are
aware of this happening.

English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.

CLIPPER: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you
can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet
fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail
_REAL_SOON_NOW_.

SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it
returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the
end of your leg.