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Hot Flashes: You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
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Night Sweats: The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
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Mood Swings: Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
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Memory Loss: You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them.
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Irritability: Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," and your reply is, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
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Sleeplessness: The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
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Fatigue: You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
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Mild Incontinence: You change your underwear after every sneeze.
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Sudden Weight Gain: You need the 'Jaws Of Life' to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
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Dryness: You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
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Female Hormone Deficiency: You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania".
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Hormone Therapy: You're on so much estrogen that you take your brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales
