• Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
• Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."
• Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
• Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
• Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day."
• Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
• "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
• The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
• With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn't come in different colors with little "M"'s on them.
• You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.