Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the
size of the other's manhood, so he asked "How did ya get it that big?"

The other boy responded "Well I rub it down every night with lard."

Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole.

Once again there
was a comparison made with no results.

The first boy said "I did what ya told me. Every night I have rubbed
it down with Crisco."

The other boy exclaimed "Well, no wonder, ... that's shortening."