Successful Dating Tips - Dave's Jokes

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.

Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs."

Woman won't unlock car door for man.
- Doesn't engage in oral sex.
Man gets in car without opening door for woman.
- No foreplay.
Can't hail a cab.
- impotent.
Insists on going to a brand new restaurant.
- prefers virgins.
Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way.
- Is a virgin.
Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant.
- Compulsive Don Juan.
Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif.
- Compulsive Don Quixote.
Insists on going to a Polynesian bar.
- Compulsive Don Ho.
Wants to go to a French Restaurant.
- will swallow.
Wants to go to a deli.
- Won't swallow.
Uses Sweet n' Low.
- Wearing falsies.
Takes too long deciding what to order.
- Has trouble reaching orgasm.
Orders salad dressing on the side.
- Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."
Gives explicit orders to waiter.
- Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.
Asks for extra rolls.
- Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.
Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..."
- Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.
Asks for "the usual"
- Insists on missionary position only.
Asks what the specials are.
- Will want you to use handcuffs.
Fills up on bread and crackers.
- Premature ejaculator.
Doesn't finish everything on plate.
- Has already come.
Insists on having some of whatever you ordered.
- Will make you sleep on wet spot.
Changes mind after ordering.
- Will never call you.
Changes tables.
- Nymphomaniac.
Drinks decaf.
- Fakes orgasms (female).
Orders in French.
- Fakes orgasms (male).
Sends food back.
- Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.
Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts.
- Needs you to talk dirty during sex.
Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers.
- Wants a hand job.
Orders a dessert involving nuts.
- Castrating bitch.
Wants to split dessert.
- Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.
Credit card is refused.
- Low sperm count.
Under tips waiter.
- Small penis.
Under tips parking valet.
- Small penis.
Under tips cabby.
- Small penis.
Uses toothpick.
- Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.
Removable cassette player in car.
- Pulls out repeatedly during sex.
Cellular phone in car.
- Penile implant.