Joe Sensitive

• "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
• Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled
  Egg, Snugglepup
• Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
• Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus

• "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.
  Let's stay home and watch TV."
• Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow
  Mover, Jerk
• Advantages: Stays put; predictable
• Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

Flinchy

• "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
• Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
• Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
• Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot

• "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
• Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
  Dumb
• Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
• Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones

• "Zzzzzz"
• Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket,Drug Addict
• Advantages: Well rested; easy target
• Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

The Sneak

• "Who, me?"
• Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
• Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
• Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts

• "After I wash the dishes let's make love like
  crazed weasels, OK?"
• Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
• Advantages: Perpetually aroused
• Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer

• "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't
  know how, but--"
• Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
• Advantages: Tells good stories
• Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

Mr. Right

• "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love
  like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
• Also known as: Mr.Perfect, Jim Dandy
• Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
• Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction